Trust the process, I’m told.
I've been working as a freelancer in the television industry for 15 years now and I figured at this point, I’d be used to being unemployed because as a freelancer, one is with or without work every few months. Some years are good and some are bad, but it's that inconsistency and lack of anchoring benefits (health, 401k, etc) that end up giving me major anxiety every time I am in between work. I have yet to accept that work will inevitably come and I’ll be ok each time. Yes, work does come to be sure, but this time it feels different. Due to last year's strikes, overall budget cuts, bad economic decisions, greed, and a general lack of love for the entertainment industry, I feel the writings on the wall in a lot of ways. The famine is more than the feast this go round and I, as well as thousands of others, have been majorly affected.
When I am out of work, I try to keep as busy as possible. I'm a constant do’er and I cannot sit still. I've already written about this here, so I won't repeat myself. What I will say is that a need for purpose, a lack of confidence, a fear of long term commitments, which perhaps stemmed from an insecure upbringing, gave rise to wanting to be a freelance type of person. This is likely why music, or a life in the creative field, has been my go-to path since I was a kid. Accomplishing tasks, no matter the size, gives me purpose. Creating something new and sharing it with the world gives me purpose. Being of service gives me purpose. Whether it's playing drums for a band, producing content, or writing, my freelancing life has been a series of short term and medium term goals.
I'll explain how it fits…
Short-term goals are just that. They could be as banal as doing the dishes or dropping something off at the Post Office. But professionally, from my experience, short-term goals are daily tasks at work like keeping calendars and budgets updated, or collecting people's time cards. As a musician, a short-term goal would be a gig as they come and go any day of the week and it only take a few hours out of your time. I take to running as a perfect daily short term goal. It refuels me, keeps me healthy and purges any negative feelings or shame.
Medium term goals are something that take less than a year, but not daily, and can be small, accumulated short-term goals, almost like rungs on a ladder, that get you to that medium term goal. For example, a lot of what I do professionally is delegate work so that a show can be finished and delivered and that process averages around 4 to 5 months. Yes, it's important, expensive and necessary, but I still deem this a medium term goal. Conversely, in the same field, the long-term goal would be to come up with the idea of the show and deliver it to its finish, but I'm only in charge of that back end of this process, so hence, the medium size. With music, a medium term goal would be booking a tour because those happen a few months out. Long-term goals for musicians could be the process of writing and making a record or, as I was asked by labels before, coming up with a 5 year goal, which could consist of a dream scenario like headlining Coachella.
This is all to say that when I am unemployed, I feel as though without these short-term or medium term goals, I am lost. I need the dopamine hit and gratification that comes with accomplishing goals. So with that, I take to doing small to medium personal tasks every unemployed day as an attempt to learn new things and of course aide in the anxiety. For example, last week I made a music video for my band and learned how to do some crude animation on Imovie. It’s not the greatest thing I’ve done, but I did it and that’s all that matters. I soothed my anxious soul by creating something from nothing. I just did it.
When these uneasy feelings come, we could sit around and shame ourselves for not working, which I know I definitely do, but we can also take that anxiety and turn it into a short to medium goal that could help us. The goals should be less about buying time and more about achieving something and growing a skill. It's akin to the growth mindset, which was coined by Carol Dweck:
“In this mindset, the hand you’re dealt is just the starting point for development. This growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts.”
Everyday is a new day, so you do what you can to make each one purposeful and full of intent and discovery. It's a process and one must trust the process, because it takes time. Expectations to achieve are one thing, but actually doing it is another. I know this to be true from doing things all the time, and by failing and succeeding. If I constantly stick with my go-to shame spiral, I wouldn't get anything done.
If you’re not working, perhaps now is the time to find something fun to do. Crochet? Chess? Building ships in a bottle? Try something that stimulates your brain, that gives you purpose, and makes you feel good. These short to medium goals are a start. In fact, they may lead to more fruitful and fulfilling long term goals or even careers.
Of course, these anxious feelings don’t always evolve into a task or draw inspiration. In fact, it takes a lot of wasted time scrolling, pacing and emotional bandwidth to get there. Lately, whenever I am feeling unfocused and overwhelmed, I will read a handful of Substacks and it puts me in the right frame of mind. By hearing everyone's vulnerability and points of view, I am able to myself become vulnerable and get inspired to write about what is going on in my mind and how it can apply to everyday things. I hope I get to do the same with whomever reads this.
With that in mind, below are a few Substacks I read this week that helped me focus and gave me inspiration to write today.
“I have sent a newsletter every week for 18 years. I love having a weekly deadline, one that encourages me to write, and to take that difficult act of clicking ‘publish.’ I love that delicate line between exploring topics that resonate deeply, but also pushes me to new places. Being in this moment creatively helps me feel alive in my writing. My newsletter for tomorrow is half complete, and that deadline infuses me with a sense of energy and potential. I hope you are able to embrace your own creative process this week!”
The job market stinks, and I'm sure there are a lot of people reading this who feel the same way I do, but we're all in this together. You'll get through it. I'll get through it. We’ll get through it.
Thanks for reading. Stay healthy, safe and positive. The world needs you!
Thanks for the shout out!