My algorithmic internet bubble was filled with clips and pics from the Janes Addiction stage fight last week. Of course, at this point, the algorithmic bubble is on to something new, but last week, it was all I saw. The event hit the initial shock, and then the meme-ery, the jokes, the sadness and finally the think pieces written by people who weren't there or people that think they know what really happened flooded the scroll. This event happened to fall at a time in which things like age, sobriety and having a growth mindset, especially for an artist, who can be if nothing but fragile, emotional and volatile are things I have been seeing, reading and thinking about.
For starters, this past week Musicares, who are a collective for artists' mental health, paid for by the Grammys, had a webinar about communication skills in time of conflict. The host, Ashley Virtue, discussed effective listening, troubleshooting in real time and responding to triggers non confrontationally. It matched nicely with the aforementioned stage fight and had Perry Ferrel seen this webinar and internalized it, maybe he’d still be on tour?
To many, it may sound easy and even obvious to be able listen effectively and respond non confrontationally, but I can surely say it's not, especially in a situation in which your art, or your heart, are on the line. When creating in a group setting, whether it’s creating live on stage, in the practice room or in the studio, it can be a very emotional and vulnerable thing. The preciousness of your instrument part, your lyric or arrangement part is out there to be scrutinized, turned down or slighted, and when others put their feet in the pool as it were, it can potentially contradict what you thought it was in your head, which to you is a masterpiece. What does one do then? Or what does one do when forces beyond your control force you to engage with your frustrations and triggers in real time, in Perry Ferrell’s case, bad stage sound?
Using dialectic tactics, which in essence, is a way of aiming to change behaviors in your life that are not servicing you, can help ease or sooth the internal anxiety and tensions that come with highly volatile and instant roadblocks, which of course tend to happen on stage and off. Substance use aside, if Perry Ferrell was having a hard time hearing his stage volume, it’s clear that pushing the guitar player is not the answer. However, he and Dave Navarro have been in a musical relationship for most of their lives, so if one isn’t equipped to handle their own inconveniences internally, they could take their frustrations out on the ones closest. In this case, his guitar player and life long colleague.
“We create to feel, to work out feelings and feel we are a part of something.” Herman Leonard
Being an artist, or being in a band, can be both volatile and intimate and it’s almost never easy. Egos must be shed, emotions and points of view must be communicated and discussed and more importantly TRUST must be in place no matter what. It could be easier to go alone, but a band (ie; more than 1 person) must trust that each person is looking out for one another, and for the greater good of the art, the song, the show, etc. Of course a band doesn't always have to agree with every suggestion every time. In fact, that tension from compromise can lead to something better than was intended. Just ask The Who! This should all be part of the process and like any group setting, there will be dissent but it's more important HOW that dissent will be recognized and responded to. Like Charles Swindoll wrote, “Life Is 10% What Happens to You and 90% How You React.”
On the other side of the spectrum, I had watched a documentary about blur, who, now in their 50's, seem to have found some solace in their own beaten down skin and seem downright reflective of the whirlwind life they have lived so far. Together, over the span of the last 30-ish years, the four men lived through marriages, divorces, addiction, fame, disappointment and everything in between. In the end, they're left with each other and in the film, they each explain the acceptance that they are essentially stuck with one another, but need and love each other more than they thought. Their mutual respect grew over time, perhaps it was mortality, feeling lonely, rehab, or just plain ol’ human emotional evolution, but they were left with hopefulness for the future and with each other. It was a different type of rock doc that felt less like a self congratulatory pat on the back and a more humanistic thoughtful look at growing up in your 50’s because they were never able to grow up at the same time as the rest of us, because fame can and does infantilize.
I hope people like Perry Ferrel can figure it out. He is most likely having issues with substances, and if so, part of recovery is reflection and a re-discovery of the self. Recovery can also teach radical acceptance, which is accepting something without judgment, but the problem is with art, judgment is all there is both internally AND externally. Songwriting output, clothes, live shows and even what one does at home is all scrutinized and judged, so to accept things for what they are can be nearly impossible or even sisyphean for many. However, in order to be ok with the hurdles life gives you, one must have these skills, otherwise, someone who is being filmed or always being seen will find themselves in a precarious place like we’ve seen time and time again with volatile celebrities.
Regardless of what happened, or how with Jane’s Addiction or even with Dave Grohl, it's not our business. But what we can do is use events like these and take a deeper look at ourselves and our relationships, both with partners and band mates. We should also ask why we need so much from our celebrities when we have people in our sphere who need us more. Perhaps it’s time to check in with people we love and ask:
“Are you ok?”
“Do you hear me? I can hear you.”
“Can we turn the fucking monitor up?”
I hope this doesn’t ruin band practice tonight. Thanks for reading.
BONUS:
No gigs this week, but I must say last weekend was amazing. I saw Green Day, Rancid, The Smashing Pumpkins and The Linda Linda’s in a football stadium and, as Roman’s Weirdos, opened for The Zeros ‘77 with a who’s who of really great people in the crowd whom I’ve known from different areas of my life and some I have only known only via social media and got to meet IRL. Maybe it’s an excuse for a later post, but for now I just wanna simmer in the good stuff.
I really like how you talk about blur as an example of a band whose members have worked toward some kind of understanding of themselves and acceptance with each other because it's really rare. There are so many bands that haven't done that work, refuse to that work, can't do that work for many reasons, and it's borderline toxic for fans to expect it just because others have.
It's exaxtly why I used that and was floored by that doc. I mean, Black Crowes, Oasis, etc. it's part of the appeal that they'd fight and I find it sad.