L.A. Crowds Are No Fun.

...Or am I just in a bad mood?

I've been in a bad mood all week.

The weird thing is, nothing necessarily bad happened. I just feel like I’ve perpetually woke up on the wrong side of the bed everyday. It's also ironically been a busy and sort of fun and productive week, albeit a bit distracting.

My band played a livestream web show, school has been surprisingly mellow considering it’s nearing the end of the semester, and I've been playing a lot of music. I even impulsively went to see one of my favorite live bands, The Hives.

Whenever I get in these moods, I tend to easily blame myself or others around me. That, I learned, doesn’t work. Instead of ruminating on the why or who, I am working on being curious about the feeling and accepting it as just a feeling. Besides, the moods could have stemmed from a bad nights sleep, or it could be something deeper. Either way, the reality is that this moment and mood will pass. But as I try to sit with this mood and be curious about it, I see myself going back to the blame game. The aforementioned Hives concert comes to mind, where I was kind of triggered by the crowd.

It’s been said ad nauseam, and I can vouch for this myself, that Los Angeles isn't the most excitable or reciprocal crowd in general. Perhaps it's a big city thing in which we are are all spoiled and get to see any band, any movie and any event, because no matter what, everyone passes through Los Angeles. However, it is disheartening to see a band like The Hives who put so much sweat, I mean literal gallons of sweat, and blood into their performance only to see a crowd, with arms crossed, or half asleep, texting and talking loudly to their friends.

As I tried to worm my way into the small portion of excited fans in the front, I was blocked by a stoic guy, drink in hand, who gave me a dagger look as I tried to get past him to join my excited Hives brethren. I accepted my fate, stayed where I was and I bopped, jumped and danced in my own little space. All I got in response from the people around me were heavy sighs, more blocking and nasty looks as if I had farted in their beers. I wasn’t even that belligerent annoying drunk guy that may have caused such a reaction. I was just a not drunk guy having a real life moment in which I was feeding off the energy and spirit of the band and, really, just trying to have a good time. It seemed the group around me was not prepared for any of that. It pissed me off, so before I started in with sarcastic jabs, I just left and stood in the back with my wife and enjoyed the little nook we had to ourselves, unencumbered by judgment or looks.

The Hives doing The Hives

Perhaps the people judging me and looking at me funny for having a good time were also in a bad mood, like I had been before the show. I can't force people to be in better moods or force people to have fun. In fact, The Hives can’t even do that either as the one’s who are the reason for this night. They try, as performers to do so, and I assume people pay to have this interaction and experience. The way I saw it, was that I paid money to be at this concert and if I was gonna just stay in a sour mood, I wouldn't have gone. I would have stayed home and watched YouTube videos of the band because half of the crowd was on their phones, shooting it instead of being in the moment anyways. Luckily, I was all in and the band lifted me up as they did the few in the front who were also genuinely excited.

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“These micro-moments of intimacy or neglect create a culture in which the relationship either thrives or withers. The tiny behaviours feed back on themselves and compound with time, as every interaction builds on the previous interaction, no matter how seemingly trivial. Each person's moments of pettiness and anger, or generosity and lovingness, create a feedback loop that makes the overall relationship either more toxic or happier.”
― Susan David, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

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Isn't the whole thing about going to a concert to be in the moment? When you’re in the crowd, you can brush any crummy feelings away and pivot accordingly to the mood of the band. It should be a collective and cathartic escape and as a collectivist species, which I know we are not conditioned to believe or to act as, it seems the live music experience should be one that can bring us all together in a special symbiotic way. It certainly seems that way for Taylor Swift and Beyonce fans. Perhaps this is why I like seeing a band like Green Day, whose fans seem to perpetually be teenagers wanting to have the time of their lives, pun intended. I feed off that energy and so does the band and it enriches that experience. When a band is up there, giving it their all, like The Hives always do, I think the onus is on the crowd to reciprocate. I know this first-hand and second hand both as someone onstage and off. As a performer myself, I get very mad, or even resentful, when the crowd is not present. I come from that school of The Hives or Kiss where putting on a show is priority. If people are going to make it a point to pay to see you and stand there and watch you for an hour, and as a performer, the least you can do is….perform.

However, not everyone has the same experiences and that's fair. If I pass on judgment the way judgement seemed to have passed on me that night, then it would be a circuitous stream of bitterness or “feedback loop” like Susan David said above. That's not very helpful is it? Only we can individually control our feelings and the actions we take, regardless if we’re having a good time and others are not. Performers will still perform and do their thing no matter what. Just don’t be surprised when the on stage banter consists of how comatose you are and the singer calls you out like Pelle did, stating something to the effect of “We must have hypnotized you because you’re all asleep!”

With all that said, I'm still kind of cranky today but at least I had an hour of good fun watching a great band do what they do best. Tomorrow is another day.

Thank you for reading and hopefully I'll wake up on the correct side of bed next week.

Recommended reading for the week: Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life by Susan David

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