“The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.”
- Albert Einstein
December was a busy month. More busy than usual, which is saying a lot for a squirrel like me. There wasn’t an open weekend day and barely an open week night. The most time I got to be “alone” was when I was running and one of those times was a marathon with thousands of others. At least I kept from doom scrolling for those 4 hours…Aside from all the running, I also started playing with a new group, a newly re-formed version of The Weirdos, I had finals in school, my day job, and planning for my honeymoon which was at the end of the month.
On top of all of that, my band The Pretty Flowers, had planned to start recording our new record in a recently vacated home in the cliffs of Laguna Beach. The place had beautiful beach views, mellow vibes, and felt isolated. A perfect place to clear the head for a weekend of creative freedom. However, that was not to be for me. Instead, it was tight and stressful. We spent all Friday setting up and getting one track done. On Saturday, I, as well as another band mate, had gigs that had shortened the day significantly, which meant rush to get something done before the gigs, while Sunday was spent finishing up because I had to go home and pack for our honeymoon. This was not as chill as I wanted.
With the perfect beach setting, and being isolated with the boys, I really wanted to hit some sort of peak performance on these tunes. The lead up to that weekend was a daily grind getting the arrangements right and playing them confidently so I can go in and nail them. After tracking and listening to the playback however, I heard a less than peak performance from myself. I deferred to the band and they all seemed to like the takes and feel they were sufficient enough. With the clock ticking, I wasn’t about to go and re track everything over and over until I felt right. In fact, I know that is NOT a good way to work. From my recording experiences, the best takes are within the first couple. There’s a point of diminishing returns, which I hit on a couple of tunes.
The real problem was that I didn’t feel relaxed or had a clear enough head to get what I thought I could, or perhaps should have. In a perfect world, this would be my job and my singular focus. But because of the aforementioned other things going on, my mind felt like a freeway at rush hour; each car a thought or worry and the traffic was a sense of being stuck. I needed, to continue with this flimsy analogy, the 2am wide open freeway so my brain can wander and be liberated, and then I can play creatively without a net. I left the house that weekend exhausted mentally and physically and with a grey cloud over my head. Being as proud as I was of our last record, I didn’t want my performance to be part of why this one wouldn’t be as good. If recording to the best of my ability was my only concern that weekend, or if I had more time to be alone or be still, perhaps the outcome could have been different. I believe that Einstein quote, but apparently, I don’t practice it.
Am I being hard on myself? Absolutely. It’s in my DNA to shame myself. I know at the end of the day, once all the band is in, it’s mixed and ready to package, it’ll sound amazing. But, as the control of the situation leaves my hands I’m left with trust: both in myself for having done the best I could and trust in the other guys to make their parts sound great. That ain’t easy for me.
Such is the life of a freelancer and, for me, one who gets off on doing and going. As I get older, and become more thoughtful about what I do and how, it’s very clear that the more I do at once, the less I’ll achieve as a whole. In other words, I can’t fully commit 100% to more than one thing without cannibalizing others things. I know I have a million more examples of this problem throughout my life, but this particular one really got to me and I think the difference now, is that I am actively listening to my body and mind more than ever.
“Maybe I’m being naive but I hope that by having more structure and clarity around my work, it will reduce some of the frenetic energy that’s constantly buzzing around me. That if I can reduce some of the noise and stress around this one part of my life, that my nervous system can finally calm down. That maybe I can rest and recover and re-engage with me. “-
on freelance work and the lack of stability and focus it can bring.I’m learning that sitting still can be an act of defiance. To change one’s ways, especially ones that were created to sooth anxiety and stress as a younger person, is very hard. The movement in my life and the incessant need to say yes to everything has and can be beneficial. However, as I am learning why I had these habits in the first place, I am finding that this movement is more detrimental to my emotional growth, my friendships and my creative endeavors. I don’t know how many more rock records I have in me, or years for that matter as I hit “mid-life” but I want each thing I choose to do to be something that aligns with my values, beliefs and passions. Recording this record is one of those things and I want it to be as good as possible.
I am sure anyone reading this who agonizes over a writing piece or a book or a song or a painting can relate. It’ll never be as good as you want it to be, but it is still a representation of you at a specific time and place. I would like that time and place to be one of calm, of thoughtfulness and of unbridled creativity, not a rush. However, everyday is new and everyday is different. These recordings are where I was at that moment and maybe that honestly will show and all of this rumination and whining will be for naught.
I don't really believe in New Years resolutions, but the resetting of the clock is a nice reminder to take things a little slower and try to do less and be more thoughtful. At least for today…
As the progress of the album continues, I’ll continue share my thoughts. Writing my thoughts here with you all reading is a great way for me to clear the decks, so thank you for listening.
See you all next week. Be safe.
“take things a little slower and try to do less and be more thoughtful” - this is so good.
There are so many good nuggets here but this part really sums it up for me: "As I get older, and become more thoughtful about what I do and how, it’s very clear that the more I do at once, the less I’ll achieve as a whole. In other words, I can’t fully commit 100% to more than one thing without cannibalizing others things."