Some weeks I find it hard to pull together a post for Substack. It’s not like I am out of stories or thought and ideas. In fact, my brain is in constant motion, always pitching me things to write about, things to worry about and things to ruminate on. It can be a blessing as I am always inspired, but my constant thought highway can be a curse, especially when I’m in bed with the lights out. Kinda reminds me of this Modest Mouse song.
“I'm trying to get my head clear/I push things out through my mouth I get refilled through my ears”
Knowing this about myself, it’s still a surprise when Thursday comes up and I haven't drafted or even considered a topic or story to share with you all. The truth is, I just run out of time every week. As much as certain days seem to tromp along, the weeks (and even years) zoom by. I am reminded again of the same Modest Mouse song.
“The years go fast and the days go slow”
It can be easy to throw my hands up and wait until I have something “ready” before I write again, but as I contemplated this on my run this morning, I was reminded that consistency is important for me. It’s in fact, key.
For some, like Aldous Huxley, consistency is not something to strive for, as humans are complex, ever moving and ever changing. Consistency, in other words, can become forced and can stunt any growth that can be gained through experience and an open mind. That is true, but as I try to be a better writer, I understand how consistency is important. Do I need to share everything with you, all the time? No, but having this forum does allow me to stay regular and keep myself honest and vulnerable and uneven, which is kind of who I am and how I write. To put it another way, if I only ran once every couple of weeks, it would take much longer to get past the pain and uncomfortable thresholds of running, or if my band practiced once a month, we’d likely be less tight, less creative and less telepathically bonded when we perform. For me, consistency can help and there have been points in my life where it would have perhaps served my success.
In the beginning of 2010, my friend Michael and I started a podcast called Cinemasochists. The idea was that we’d re-watch a film that was critically panned or hated and see if it was in fact as bad as everyone made it out to be and to find anything, if at all, redeeming about it. It was loose and since it was the infancy of podcast days, there weren't many references to quality that we could follow or adhere to. It didn't sound great and the pace varied depending on our mood, the quality, or lack thereof, of the film or whomever our guest or co-hosts were that week. I went back and heard a few, and I can’t lie, some of it is embarrassing, but we were learning in real time and as the weeks went on (we did one episode a week) we got more listeners. We got to go to press screenings, get free swag and we even interviewed some people on our show (including this awkward one from the cast of Troll 2, complete with two minutes of troubleshooting to boot!) and for a while, things were looking good.
Around that time a similar podcast called How Did This Get Made? came out and due to the fact that the hosts of that show were both famous and much more funny than we were, it had taken the wind out of our sails, but we kept on. Eventually, doing it weekly became a bit of a task so we started doing shows bi-weekly, then monthly and then, whenever we had time. In a lot of ways, the mojo was lost with each subsequent delay, but doing it weekly did allow us to, like my writing here, practice, and prove to our slightly increasing crowd, that we can get better with each week, or at least attempt to, but time got in our way…It always does. We trudged on for a couple of years and in the summer of 2013 we stopped doing the show, as we began adding a video component to the show. We had some great episodes (including this one) and I was proud of it…For the most part. We did something new at the time and did the best we could with what we had, which wasn’t much more than an idea, a DIY drive to do it and friends to help us make it.
Even though it’s a distant memory, it’s interesting to go back and consider what could have happened had we kept going weekly, but shoulda coulda wouldas are a waste of time. Besides, 14 years would have been a long time to have a podcast about bad movies. It’s interesting though that now there is a whole genre of podcasts doing the exact same thing and in fact, as I searched for some of our old stuff, I found others calling themselves Cinemasochists. I wish we’d copyrighted it, because it was a brilliant name, so thank you Michael.
The point is, that in order to be good, or considering your definition, succeed in something, you gotta keep at it. A weekly podcast may not have made us money, but we could have learned how to be great at it, but my passion is not in podcasting, so I stopped. The internet is so inundated with people doing less than passionate work and, speaking only for myself, I didn't want to be just another ok podcast out there. But for someone that has a passion for something, like for instance, writing, to do it and do it a lot is the only way to get better, right? I have a passion to write now and even though I might be just another ok writer on a platform with millions of better writers, this weekly consistency keeps me honest, vulnerable, uneven and open to whatever comes through my mushy brain, which again is kind of who I am…
Huxley may be right about consistency being contrary to nature, but if we can learn to adapt and allow others to adapt with us while we stay consistent with our passions, it may be a good thing in the end. Besides, I have a feeling if Huxley were alive today, he would begrudgingly have a Substack too. It’s better than Soma!
Never...
All that stuff is foundational to me, and it always feels like all those project add up inform the next project.